On Wednesday, 15th December, between two medical appointments, I realized I had no dreams.
I had to think it out loud, twice, to feel what this actually was doing to me.
Somewhere on the way back home, I dropped the expectations, which were actually weighing me down and were keeping me away from enjoying life, as it is. Today.
Before that semi-revolutionary thought hit me, I was sure I HAD TO go to Iceland, or Ethiopia, I had to have my own studio, tones of social media followers and I had to “achieve” something.
And then suddenly I lost that urge.
You know, sometimes I looked so far away into the (nonexistent!) future, that I was overlooking what was right in front of me. I have constantly been absent in my own life.
My favorite podcaster* said that our relationships don’t work, because we are not in them.
We are drifting, suspended in distractions, instead of truly paying attention to one thing at the time.
To one person at the time.
Maybe you are that mindful creature, that already knows all what I am writing about.
But what may sound like overthinking to you, helped me regain my freedom.
(*) Marta Niedzwiecka "O Zmierzchu"